Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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