The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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