I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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