when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Even my vagina gasped.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
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do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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