remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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