We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize