I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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