I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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