Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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