I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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