I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize