Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
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Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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