True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
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says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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