DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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