she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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