when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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