At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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