____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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