Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize