this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize