Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize