feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
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who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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