im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I've blown a few things in my day
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Randomize