are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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