dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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