I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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