Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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