Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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