Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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