I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize