I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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