i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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