it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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