ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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