she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize