What a fucking waste of an outfit
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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