Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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