rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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