If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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