If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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