it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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