She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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