the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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