After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize