Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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