This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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