she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize