I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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