Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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