I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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