I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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