apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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